Lives in Review
by ninjafairygirl
Summary: A look back at the relationship between Riku and Namine over the years. written for the 2019 rikunami secret Santa.


This was a story I wrote for the Secret Santa event in the Rikunami discord server. hope you guys like it!

Laying on her bed in the castle at Radiant Garden, Namine stared at her phone and willed it to ring. He had promised to call, and having been sick all day, she could really use the company. Even had quarantined her to her room for fear of getting sick himself, sending in nobodies to deliver such things as medicine and food.

_They only just left yesterday_ Namine thought to herself. _I'm sure he's busy_.

Images of what could have been flooded Namine's mind, and she didn't like any of them. What if he was fighting heartless? A really big heartless? She knew he could take care of himself, he was strong. That hadn't stopped her from asking the king to promise to keep an eye on him. Even still, she knew her nerves wouldn't rest until he called.

She laid her head down in the pillows while holding the phone aloft. How simple communication would have made everything back then thought Namine. It could have prevented the whole mess that was Castle Oblivion. Riku had just been a few floors from his best friend the whole time, but they may as well have been worlds away.

Namine felt pride swelling within her. When they had first met, he had the appearance of a confident youth, even to the point of being cocky. But she knew just as well as he and the organization that he was afraid. He couldn't trust himself and was desperate to run from the demon inside. Seeing his anguish, she knew she had to do something-anything. She had been watching his journey with interest. Although he wouldn't know her until the end of it, she came to know him as well as Sora did.

It was when he began to sink into darkness that she decided to disguise herself as someone he knew he could trust. Someone who was outside of his head. So she did the only thing she could: shroud herself in an image of a special girl and tell him the words he needed to hear. From then on, he had only grown, despite the bumps in the road to Sora's recovery.

It wasn't until after his face changed that he broke down.

In the old mansion at Twilight Town, Namine had been drawing in her room as she normally did. There was quite a bit of work to do as Riku had recently brought Roxas in. The memories were coming more quickly now, as if they were the waters of a powerful river just released from a dam.

Riku walked in like he always did. His gait was careful, hood drawn. She had known what he looked like now, but that didn't stop her from looking up and giving a warm welcome. She specifically called him by his real name, At first he disparagingly tried to get her to refer to him as Ansem, but she wasn't fooled. She should know better than anyone that a shadow wasn't always the same as its caster.

Namine put down her sketch pad. Something was wrong.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Namine looked to where his eyes should have been.

The man instinctively sat in the chair opposite from her, folded his arms and simply stared. Namine found herself dragging her own chair to sit beside her sullen friend and see if she could make him feel better.

He flinched a little when she touched his arm, hoping to do something to help. Her heart- or rather, the area where her heart should have been began to ache. Namine found her free hand fleeting up to her chest, as if that would do anything to help. She wondered if this were just a memory of how Kairi felt, or if she could really have a heart of her own.

"How is the restoration going?" The man asked.

"Its going faster than ever. I only recently started and we're already over 50%. Since Roxas returned, I've been able to get back on schedule." Namine reported.

No response.

"I wonder if he'll be happy in that little world we made." Namine mused, her gaze turning towards the sunset out the window. It was the same sunset they always saw, but somehow a bit more somber.

"He doesn't have a heart." Riku noted almost mechanically.

"You don't believe that." Namine winced.

If Roxas didn't have a heart and was nothing more than a puppet like DiZ said, then so was she. It was alright if he had believed that; she had already made her peace with it. However, to think that Riku believed it after all they had been through together… Namine didn't like the thought. DiZ was one of her least favorite people, right behind Larxene and Marluxia. As a puppet, she could never expect to remain her own self like this. That was all he saw her as. Maybe it was all she really was. She knew it wouldn't be long before she would have to return to Kairi.

Just another cage for the witch. Namine found herself thinking.

"No, I don't. Sorry if it hurt you." Riku's curt response came.

Namine looked at him, trying to make out the face under the hood. She wondered what kind of thoughts were hiding in the darkness. They couldn't have been good for him. So, despite the fear that was welling up in her own mind, she decided to do her best to help.

"I understand." She would have to be gentle with this. "Riku, do you feel like you're whole?"

Silence again.

Namine knew better than to say something else and give him an out. Just like when he had a choice to make last year, there would be another to make at this juncture. She only hoped she could guide him to the right answer again.

"No." He paused. "Not without Sora and Kairi. I need to have the strength to protect them."

"We'll get Sora put together." Namine removed her hand from his arm and folded it with its other in her lap.

"I know. It's what comes after that I need to prepare myself for." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"What do you mean, Riku?"

"It doesn't matter." The man tried to shoo the thought away.

"Doesn't matter? Why not? You won't have to walk alone anymore. Sora and Kairi will be home." Namine urged.

"Yes. He and Kairi will be back home. I'll be their shadow."

Namine grew a little frustrated, although she couldn't let herself show it. Don't you know I'm doing this for you, too?

"I can't face them like this. It will only serve as a reminder that I broke my promise."

"Sora will look past- " Namine tried to relay.

In a moment of anger, Riku threw his hood down to reveal the face of the man named Ansem.

"This is what I've chosen, it's who I am now! Do you think he'd see me beyond this? That anyone could see beyond this?" Riku roared.

"I do." Namine quietly stated.

Namine looked down at her hands.

"Namine, I-" Riku was at a loss for words.

Standing up, Namine left while keeping her eyes glued to the ground. One singular tear was threatening to fall, but she couldn't let him see. Just as she passed the threshold, she took one more glance back at Riku. His face showed a mixture of regret and sorrow. She was just a nobody. It didn't matter what he said because she didn't have a heart or feelings, right?

Still, she decided to stand outside the door for a minute gathering her bearings. It had taken everything she had not to fight back or even break down and cry. He wasn't going to listen to reason right now. That didn't change the feeling of broken glass cutting her up inside. Riku was special to her. Perhaps she wasn't as special to him as she thought.

Right before she started to walk away, she heard a noise she wasn't expecting. From inside the white room, there was a loud crash of a fist against the table. Less than a minute after came sobs that were rolling out of a broken man. They were deep and heaving, crying for everything he had lost. Namine hadn't known Riku to cry the entire time they had spent together. She wondered if this was the first time he had shed tears since castle oblivion.

Riku would need time. He had lost his home, his family, his best friends and his childhood at the same time. It had all happened in the space of a couple of months with little time to grieve. Namine left the man to his sorrows and went back to work in the basement restoring Sora's memory, all the while praying for a miracle.

It was strange hearing sobs that didn't belong to Riku but still somehow did. Namine had seen all of Sora's memories, so she knew what Ansem had done to the worlds as well as some of the things he had done to Riku. Hearing Riku sob in that voice though was unsettling, to say the least.

She wouldn't see him again for a couple of weeks. Sora's memories had been fully completed, her work done after a long hard year. He was bound to wake up anytime soon, but what came after Namine couldn't tell. Axel had taken her to Sunset Hill for a chat, and to get out of the mansion. Riku appeared shortly after that, hood still up. He revealed that DiZ had ordered her destruction, and yet that was not what he was there to do. He would defy fate.

He let her go. Instead of hurting her, he said he had a debt to repay. When she promised him they'd meet again, she could have sworn she felt his heart reaching out for hers, but that was probably wishful thinking. She was doomed to fade back into Kairi. She'd be complete, for sure, but she wouldn't be herself.

Still, that didn't matter. There was still someone she wanted to see. The hearts of her friends were hurting, his especially. Maybe even hers was, too.

And then Axel decided to kidnap Kairi. Namine couldn't be mad at him- she understood why he did it. Axel was getting desperate, but so was she. Who knew where Riku was. For her plan to work, she needed him at the world that never was. Perhaps if Kairi was in danger, he'd be there.

With a small grimace, Namine couldn't help but think that he would only come because Kairi was in danger. Her heart argued that he had protected her several times, but she reasoned that it was only because Sora wouldn't wake up without her. She wondered if Riku would stay with her given the chance. Not because Sora needed her, not because she looked like Kairi. But because she was herself. But it was never to be.

Namine knew of Riku's plan to fade into the darkness and was having none of it. She refused to believe that they would both remain shadows. There was nothing she could do for her own fate, she was a nobody. But she was going to save Riku if it was the last thing she did. Namine knew the key to saving Riku would be to save Kairi first. Riku could keep her safe after Namine would merge. She banked on the fact that he always seemed to be there when she needed him.

As Namine was running down the ramp with her other, she began to feel a little dizzy. Her form was fading from being in such proximity to Kairi, but she couldn't focus on that right now. Saïx was standing before them, two nobodies behind him.

Both Namine and Kairi stood their ground, but Namine knew it was hopeless. She couldn't even rescue Kairi.

Please Riku...Namine prayed.

As if he had heard her plea, he swiftly defeated the nobodies with a new blade that Namine had never seen. A small smile crossed her lips. He had finally summoned his own keyblade. Not a sword made of his own darkness, but an actual keyblade.

Riku rushed at Saïx and pinned him against the wall. As the blue haired man escaped through a dark corridor, Namine could tell he was ready to chase him down. No good. If Riku left now, he couldn't keep Kairi safe.

Namine could feel herself fading. She wouldn't be around much longer, but her time would be significantly shorter if she stayed too close to Kairi.

"You can take it from here, Riku."

That stopped him. He was going to have to face his fears, no matter what happened. Namine knew that as long as he had Sora and Kairi at his side, he would be just fine.

Like I was any good at helping him heal Namine found herself thinking. Sure, she helped him accept his darkness, but that was because she looked like Kairi.

But he knew you weren't her. Her thoughts argued. Still doesn't matter. In the end he needs them. Not a shadow.

As Kairi realized the man beside her was her best friend, she stared into those yellow eyes. He tried to put his hood up, but Kairi stopped his hand. She gave him a small smile, accepting him without a word.

Namine smiled at the exchange. They would be safe now.

Something inside her was deathly afraid of what was going to happen to her. A ball of emotion was making its way up her throat, but she pushed it down. Seeing Riku happy was all that mattered.

"Namine." Riku looked over at the girl. "I'm sorry ...for everything"

Namine nodded her head and smiled. Her form was almost transparent now, but she could still summon the dark portals.

"This will take you to Sora. Go." Namine stated.

"But what about you?" Kairi stepped forward.

"He needs you. Both of you. I can't keep the corridor open for long. Be safe." Namine kept her voice as even as possible.

I love you Riku. I'm glad you didn't go to sleep.

Namine pulled her face out of the pillow. All of these thoughts and memories of their time together had stirred some emotion in her. But it all paled when compared to the joy she had felt when he reached out for her hand in the Radiant Garden courtyard. She smiled tenderly, replaying the scene over in her mind. He was her knight.

Her thoughts were instantly derailed when the phone began to vibrate in her hands. Immediately, her face shot up to see who was calling.

It was him.

"Riku! How are you?" Namine sat up.

"Hey Nam, everything is going well. How are you?" Riku smiled.

How she loved it when he smiled like that.

"Still a little sick, still realizing I took breathing through my nose for granted." Namine admitted.

Riku have a hearty laugh at the sentiment. "Yeah, a stuffy nose will do that for you. Are you getting enough rest?"

"Yeah. I think I'm almost done with this, although I'll probably be in quarantine for another week." Namine sighed.

"Even means well." Riku noted.

"Yeah." Namine agreed. "How is the search for Sora going?"

"Mickey and I wound up on a place called the kingdom of Corona. When the princess found out we were friends of Sora's, she invited us to stay at the palace." Riku moved the phone around the room so that Namine could see everything.

"Wow, that looks fantastic!" She gaped.

"Yeah. This whole kingdom is amazing. And we've been finding ingredients all over the place. My cooking isn't as good as Sora's, but we can cook something together when I get back." Riku sat down on the bed.

"That would be fun. I miss cooking together like we did in Twilight town." Namine smiled at the memory.

"They also have this amazing thing they do here, Nam. I can't tell you what it is, but I want you to come see it sometime." Riku interrupted her train of thought.

"We'll go see it, then! You, me, Sora and Kairi!" Namine smiled.

"Actually, I was hoping it would just be you and I." Riku rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.

Namine couldn't help but blush at the idea. She and Riku had done lots of things together alone. But somehow, this seemed to carry a different intent with it.

"I-I mean, when Sora gets back I'm sure Kairi is going to want some private time with him, so we wouldn't want to disturb that."

She smiled. He was so cute when he was shy. This was a side of him she hadn't gotten to see too often. She was glad he felt comfortable enough with her to be himself.

"Promise you'll take me?" Namine was hopeful.

"It's a date." Riku smiled tenderly. Crimson covered his cheeks. "That came out wrong."

"No, Namine giggled. "It came out perfectly."

"Hey Nam" Riku started, still red with blush. "Do you remember how you asked if I felt whole?"

"Yes." Namine answered.

"When you asked it, I thought I was, simply because I wasn't a nobody." He paused. "But as soon as you went back into Kairi, I realized that I wasn't whole. I needed you. Now that you're with me, I feel complete."

Now it was Namine's turn to feel heat rising on her cheeks. She felt the same way. All during castle oblivion, it was almost like she was a puzzle and Sora was a piece from another. She had been trying so hard to make him fit into her life, but never could quite succeed. But when Riku showed mercy to Xion and allowed her to return when she had made her peace, Namine knew what she was missing. Riku was that missing piece.

"I feel the same way." Namine responded quietly.

"Wait, you do?" Riku answered wide-eyed.

Namine nodded and then sneezed.

His look softened as he chuckled and offered a 'bless you.' He paused for a moment the way he always did when he made a decision, and then began to speak. "Namine, when we find Sora, I'd like to come live close to you, in Radiant Garden."

Namine gasped. "Won't you miss your island?"

"Maybe." Riku shrugged. "But if I've learned anything, it's that even though distance doesn't have to affect the strength of your bonds, if you can be close to the one you love, you should do it."

_The one you love_? Namine thought, a blush filling her face.

"And another thing I've learned….is that you should never take time for granted." Riku spoke slowly. He yawned, but gave Namine a tender smile. "I've got to get going. Can I call you tomorrow night?"

Namine nodded, said goodbye and hung up, knowing full well she needed sleep herself. As she turned off the lights and pulled the covers over her head, she looked at the sterilized, sparsely decorated room. The pale moonlight casting a ghostly glow over the furniture in the path of the window.

"You only get so much." Namine whispered.


End file.
